The Value of Money & Time

It's good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it's good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven't lost the things that money can't buy. ~George

After waiting for over 3 years to prove to the government that I am truely disabled and can not be retrained into another job skill... Uncle Sam has to give you not only the monthly income you've finally qualified for, but also that which you should have been getting all along. Of course all of this is based on many factors including paying your lawyer's fee's. (Which by law are limited. In my area alone it is a maximun of approx 5,000 US dollars that can be charged. Not counting paper expenses that normally do not run over 100$.)

When I received my 'lump sum' I had only a few bills to pay off that I had acquired during my lengthy waiting period. I was fortunate* I'd had many kind connections that provided me with my almost 600$/month prescription bill and other needs. From that one is left with the amount needed to purchase items such as wheelchairs (another hurdle to pass in steps), lifts for the car and repairing versus purchasing a new vehicle. I was blessed also with a good 10 year old Saturn that needed very little maintenance.

Now I should have set the money aside. I should have budgeted, planned, forseen anything in my future including burial for that money. Truth is...money can not be entirely planned for. Anyone who has ever had a root canal done, car repair, older home to care for- must know that money has it's own idea on where it will go. The more family one is connected to, the further the circle affected by it spreads. (Unless that isn't a priority to you.)

Being a single parent I'd realized early on that I was 2 people. Mom and Dad. (A wise nurse had me list that I did not know who my childs parent 'was'.) The government is way to involved in private home matters as it is. Then again where crime is concerned, not enough.

My only child has come to me many times in her growing up with multiple needs. Why would I think that as an adult this would stop? It takes a hard heart to look at someone you love and deny them a true need* If the grown child is gambling, abusing drugs/alcohol, flaming skyclad all night and can't hold a job- then NO. Mine has a college degree, professional job with good history both work and financially, ethical, moral and contribuiting to society positively. I've learned the more sacrifices I make, the more secure her future has become.

So back on subject. (What was that again? lol!) The remaining lump sum of money*

I had missed out on quite a few moments over the years. Christmas was a major downfall for myself. Now I had the children of the family grown/growing up...and moving all over the country. Nieces, nephews, brothers...that ripple in the water just keeps growing. I've worked very hard over the years trying to make 'moments'. Memories* I have a very large heart in my soul and it has an endless hunger to give love. It is the biggest part of who I am. Family comes FIRST. I was planning the greatest family Christmas ever. My gift to them all.

Once it's spent, it can not come back. Or... can it?

My 15 year old niece opened up packages to her current love of life...asian. She had a celedon tea set, the wooden shoes, kimono, jewelry (nothing extravagant...but simple)...TON'S of asian.

My 9 year old nephew had aw COOL! stuff. A bat house. 4 ft black light. Puppet tarantula...more boy things than one could keep up with.

My grand-daughter opened a complete set of marrionet's and more.

22 year old soon to be wed niece-- hierloom glass tree ornaments in plush case.

20 year old nephew entering the air force. Complete under armor in black. Head to toe.

The adults had equal goodies. I had decided I wanted 'us' to give back to nature. We had butterfly houses, more bat houses, I can't remember the nature gifts being so many. Jars of fireflies, wooly orthopedic shoes, treasured books. The room glowed. Everyone felt treasured. Knowing what I was doing...making up for in myself... made it all the easier as each was a true gift of the heart. Nothing expected in return then or in the future.

I could have held on to that couple of grand. I could have put it in the bank and let it slowly grow...knowing it would get milked away through life's little surprises. That wouldn't be me.

Which is why I am certain I don't have a lot of money, nor ever will. You see... I don't need it as much as most. All I need is love*

Modern Fable*

This email shared with me can actually go for either gender*

Once upon a time there was this girl who had four boyfriends.She loved the 4th boyfriend the most and adored him with rich robes and treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him nothing but the best.She also loved the 3rd boyfriend very much and was always showing him off to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one day he would leave her for another.She also loved her 2nd boyfriend. He was her confidant and was always kind, considerate and patient with her. Whenever this girl faced a problem, she could confide in him, and he would help her get through the difficult times.The girls 1st boyfriend was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining her wealth and kingdom. However, she did not love the first boyfriend. Although he loved her deeply, she hardly took notice of him!One day, the girl fell ill and she knew her time was short. She thought of her luxurious life and wondered, I now have four boyfriends with me, but when I die, I'll be all alone." Thus, she asked the 4th boyfriend, "I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No way!", replied the 4th boyfriend, and he walked away without another word.
His answer cut like a sharp knife right into her heart.The sad girl then asked the 3rd boyfriend, "I loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company? ""No!", replied the 3rd boyfriend. "Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to marry someone else!"
Her heart sank and turned cold.She then asked the 2nd boyfriend, "I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?""I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!", replied the 2ndboyfriend. "At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave." His answer struck her like a bolt of lightning, and the girl was devastated.Then a voice called out: "I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go."The girl looked up, and there was her first boyfriend. He was veryskinny as he suffered from malnutrition and neglect.Greatly grieved, the girl said, "I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!"In truth, you have 4 boyfriends in your lives:

Your 4th boyfriend is your body. No matter how much time and effort you lavish in making it look good, it will leave you when you die.

Your 3rd boyfriend is your possessions, status and wealth. When you die, it will all go to others.

Your 2nd boyfriend is your family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for you, the furthest they can stay by you is up to the grave.And your 1st boyfriend is your Soul. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world. However, your Soul is the only thing that will follow you where ever you go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of you that will follow you to the throne of God and continue with you throughout Eternity.

Thought for the day: Remember, when the world pushes you to your knees, you're in the perfect position to pray.

My lesson's learned...

One can find quirky little threads around the web about how much the world has changed since the 1950's. It gave me pause for another one of my rambling thoughts on what my families life taught me, and amazingly enough...they too have learned for the better. Hopefully this will have a ripple out effect for others benefit as well. (Also note that the way things were done 'back then' were not intended to be something negative but more a way of doing things as they had always been done.)

1.) Homework. When I came home from school I was suppose to sit on my bed and take care of my homework. Mom was generally cooking or cleaning...dad was at work. When he'd come home the world would revolve around him and if anyone spoke up otherwise there was hell to pay. Now as an adult people understand why my grades sucked. I've a learning disability or two.

(I am in no way saying people with dyslexia or other learning needs are dumb, stupid. On the contrary...I've read otherwise. ;) Now when the children come home it is a short break, then to the kitchen table where homework is a group effort. If one child is in a higher grade a little bit may rub off on the younger one. Where there is the younger the older child learns the patience and pride of helping them. The adults find out that the world is changing daily and it keeps the senior citizens mentally viable in the family unit. Everybody benifits, no one looses.

2.) Cooking. I was given one or two lessons...none that I can remember, and at around age 12 or younger was cooking for the family. Of course most of the time it stunk. (Makes one wonder what the heck the mother was doing all this time, eh? Hanging laundry out, starching it with the stuff in a bowl- not a can, and ironing. Dusting daily, mowing, weeding by hand- NOT weed-whacker tools...trimming bushes, waxing floors by hand AFTER mopping... we forget all of the wonderful conveniences we've acquired over 10 decades of time. ;) Now I am teaching children starting at age 6 albeit simple things...while also learning an appreciation and gaining skills. The ones more active with me are thin, and recently asked to taste the cauliflower from the steamer. My rule in the kitchen has been, 'if you help me cook it you have to taste a spoon of it'. A lot of attitudes and whining have gone the wayside. I'm not saying that they ask for a bowl of yellow-neck squash... but they at least try it. My youngest ~charge~ eats fried yellow neck squash, salads, green beans, raw brocoli, raw carrot sticks, celery sticks, and every fruit on this planet OVER the option of candy.

3.) Anger. Oh is this one fun. It is my work in progress. I believe all emotions are a natural occurance for everyone. How we deal with them is a whole other issue. My parents raised me thinking that anger = respect. Actually it = fear which grows into resentment which holds a whole lot more anger and hurt underneath. Some of us grow up eating it daily and learning that is all one can do. Am I blaming anger for obesity? A little bit. Actually a lot. I'd always dreamed as a child that growing up was suppose to be fun. We were suppose to be able to play. After all... we were children.

As an adult I get angry. I hate it. If I could find the little gland inside the human body responsible for it I'd rip it out myself. BUT anger is a good tool I am told. The only good thing it has done for me personally is help get household chores done very well. Other than that it's like putting blinders on until the steam clears. I don't think children should have to deal with an adults anger...yet I do believe the adult should help the child learn the healthy way to work through the emotion. I do not, nor have I ever doled out punishment to a child during my anger. I have let the child know I am mad (in a Bill Cosby sort of way)...and punishment will follow. I have spanked. The ONLY times I have spanked are when the child has endangered their own or someone elses safety/life. The rest of the time it has been restriction from things enjoyed or reward with the things that the children enjoy. I don't believe in paying a child beyond an allowance while at the same time believe an allowence should be earned. No one gave me the money I've worked for and I have to budget for our survival & fun. We can play, but we have to learn life has it's serious moments and deal with it. Anger tends to have a great deal of (chewing) eating crow within a 50/50 ratio on who does the dining.  Another factor in anger is that when 2 argue, there are at least 3 sides to the story behind it. Each person's point of view and the truth separate from them. We have to be reminded that in all disagreements when we feel anger-- we are only seeing our own point of reference to 'it'. That is until we get over it and open our blinders. The wider the better. Children need to learn the art of compromise...which can become funny/annoying afterwards. That's what it's all about though. Exploring, learning and growing

4.) Compassion* If I am sick...if you are sick... I will try to help you feel better without actually 'catching it' myself. IMPO the most successful person is the most compassionate. How else can you understand another soul? Children have to be taught compassion. It is not a natural feeling for them. The biggest issue that children deal with even on a subconscious level is security. Many of the reason's they act out is not for attention as much as they hollar or yell for it. They need the security that you are always there. This world is filled with couples divorcing or 1/2 of the relationship having never been in the child's picture to begin with. They will gravitate most towards those people that have compassion for them... although it is not what they always need. Sometimes strength comes in the form of lack of compassion. One has to know the subtle differences between the two. It runs along the line of homework. How can you be close to your own child if you don't know them? If you are the type that talks more than listens then know for certain that your child and everyone else knows you real well. But do you know them? On their ground? I come from a time when children were to be seen and not heard. My oldest brother and I were remarked on every time our family visited someone. We always said Yes sir, no sir...yes mam, no mam AND we sat with our hands folded in our laps.

Beware of raising puppets. You never know what nightmares they may get into...and then how can you reverse it when you don't know who you're dealing with?

PLAY with your children. Don't have time? Ever hear the song 'Cats in the Craddle'? (By Cat Stephens.) A very honest song that I highly recommend. Teach compassion.

This is an awful lot, so I suppose I will close with a neat little set of lessons put in a short verse that I'd stumbled on when my own daughter was a child.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte

Evolution of Cave Man to Search Engines

Most females in the US today are currently shopping for those 'After Thanksgiving Day' sales. This one is recouping and pondering. (My most dangerous digressive mode.)

I had one blow up battle with the undiagnosed, untreated patriarch of the family before everyone arrived. This has added to my bliss as he is no longer talking to me. (Remember this any of you mental game players out there. Sometimes 'we' enjoy the silent, ~I don't see you~ treatment. We get a break from YOU.

It has made me wonder in the most humorous of ways, where mental illness comes from and how to be rid of it.

I don't know how far back in time it goes, although the Bible mentions it in the kings of Egypt as with Herod and various others. Of course there is the equivalent for the balance of King Saul in the old testament. He's the dude that kept chasing David all over God's green earth while trying to kill him. Hmm... maybe we should bring back the lute? Naaa...somehow I don't see Bush listening to lute playing no matter how pacifying it may be. He's not a peaceful kind of guy.

Which brings me to one factor in mental illness. Chemical or hormonal* You know...things have changed a whole lot since the old cave-man and woman were slumping around the back-yard.

In 'the day' we had nothing but survival to worry about. That makes a huge difference. Maybe this is where we've gone wrong. How can we bring back those releases for the human psyche in a modern world today? I bet there were no overweight cave people...right? (Just don't touch my chocolate while slimming me down with fresh venison. I bite!)

But seriously here a moment. We can't go back to basic survival for modern man. It works to a point with military people. I mean...the one's that actually 'get it' through the training period. It's like a hierarchic thing where the pack has a bit more respect for the Commander in Chief whether he thumps his chest or... you know...

And it's not just the men that have to put their two cents worth in. Ladies do it too...seemingly with much more vim and vinegar today than the majority of our mothers day. Independence has seen to that. (No to mention Uncle Sam likes the double family digit income to tax better than the single one, eh?)

So how do we release all of that chemical stuff in the best way which would keep family units together and bring a more sane society around? Why can't we have mandatory training beginning in school? I'm not saying like the soviet union did all those years ago with the babies up. Instead of physical education being so much of a competitive sport ONLY, one with more of a simper-fi edge to it...no one left behind? Today's way of dealing with our over-weight peers is to send a note home to parents telling them Your child does not meet the bmx guidelines for weight. No duh! So line up all of the politicians/their family members...anyone over-weight connected to this bird-brained idea and make them deal with the issue publicly FIRST. Crikey!

Isn't the more 'civilized' mature way of dealing with a problem helping? I agree with starting while they are young...but there are ton's of us old examples shuffling by without the answer but with a fattened market on what doesn't work long term. The verdict isn't in entirely yet on the old stapling/band method either. Ever met someone it didn't work with? God bless those of you it did help* But let's not keep shoving the problem under the carpet and pretending it doesn't exist for those it didn't help yet hurt more. Not to mention the 'plan' isn't entirely fixed until they include a way for corrective surgery to be included in the process as part of the 'cure'.

I digressed, didn't I? So back to the hormones and chemical aides. I'd like to see more help along the line of starting young and while we're at it...giving them more to work with. Rock climbing. Bet I lost you with that insert.

No, we can't ship all school age children out to the mountains. We can bring the mountain to Muhammad though. ;) Start small and grow up bigger, if you get my meaning. While we're at it I think more play would be a good idea. "Oh...my baby will get hurt!" Get over the scrapped knees a bit. It's good to let them learn how to not panic and instead handle the little bumps in life. If it's major that's another thing...but still teach CALM. Put the emphases where it benefits* What child doesn't like a little lazer tag? What grown up for that matter! lol!

And some things in the classroom can go for a little virtual reality. As long as the child meets the health issue requirements so that seizures are not created instead of imaginations, why not? Isn't that where great things come from?

(This by the way is an actual reality.)

I suppose I don't have all the answers while instead I'm loaded with many more questions. It would make more sense to me if we didn't treat everyone as though we should all be clones to one idea, more of how we can all compliment each other by working together. Which is what I will be doing sometime later today. After the mully-grubs decides to join us all when he is through punishing us.

Synchronicity, Jung and Jesus.

First let me make it known that I am in no way comparing Jung to Christ, nor in the slightest of inclinations suggesting one is a reincarnation of the other.

I am not a big lover of psychiatry...(lol, maybe I should be), but I think Carl Jung had his finger on the pulse of something very important about the human experience in reference to sheer exsistance on this level. He has been followed by examples such as Dick Sutphen and other researchers of the psychi. Not being certain about other readers then I will remain in the 1st person with my lengthy point. I personally have noted such strong similarities from diverse belief systems (as that is what they truely are)... these could very well be a form of synchronicity and the beating of the moths wings, only against the illuminated dark of the candle flame. The odd barrier for the practicing of any faith would be the animosity between them instead of uniting together on their similarites.

Why can one religion which touts the 'Tower of Bable' not grasp that religion is very much in relation with the language between cultures/religions? Ex: As you reap so shall you sow. or karma and layman's term what comes around goes around? On earth as it is in heaven...As above, so below. There are loads of wonderful references across the web for anyone wishing to explore. I.E. http://www.collegewicca.com/wiccafiles/christianwicca.html How can we know more about our own belief without understanding another's? That doesn't mean you have to become a traitor to yourself. I've noticed this thread continuing even into the expression of art. Notice the race of Jesus in many paintings, even historical renditions. What race is he portrayed as? Middle-eastern, his origins or caucasion? Then note the coloration chosen for the Hindu God, Ram. A white Indian? Where did these two originate in true racial origin?

The biggest obstacle in religious peace is not any noted difference, as that is a matter of individual interpretation. It is fear, hate or ignorance. When someone hands me a book and tells me that I have to accept it as the ONLY truth... I'm going to question the person at least inwardly. I will research the book as to it's origins from more than one historical source. There are many versions of The Bible... I prefer King James from the year 1611. BUT I have also read the LOST books which King James did not allow to be listed, including the Agrippa which at one time was a part of the Catholic Bible. And while I'm on the word catholic let me interject that I also do not condemn a whole group for the sins of the wicked. The old Testament is the basis of the New Testament. SO one should understand it and the prophecies within in order to understand the other. (If you are Christian.) This does not mean condemn the Jewish nation nor even think they are going to 'hell'. Do I believe in hell? Oh yes...it is a very real 'place'. Who goes there? I would think that would be up to the souls choice. WHAT? What did I just write?! (I am loads of fun, he-he-he...but I am not writing 'evil'. Oh yes... and evil spelled backwards = LIVE. So polish up on the old Kabbalah in regards to energy & the flow of the soul...but please. Don't mess with the serpent's fire...the kundalini. Not without a very professional teacher. Otherwise you will be sitting where I am. That's a whole other tale to tell.) And now you have met me and perhaps understand why my blog is named Meditative Digressions. I am an adult version of attention deficit in it's truest forms. Oh LOOK! A cat! he-he-he. Remember the moth's wings. ;) It's important. Stephanie

Being alone...

One of the hardest things for my family members to understand about me is my tendancy to gravitate to this corner of the world and sit alone. I do so for hours on end at a time. Other times with my disability I am not able to and need to lay down for brief periods.

My attraction towards the computer fills the missing gap of multi tasking which I had done for so many years before now. I could maintain 4 phone lines, 20+ patient call lights, sometimes 40+, answer questions from visitors, patients, doctors and or nurses face to face and transcribe the physician's orders all at the same time. I will admit that it took me a few years to polish it into a professional skill without raging brain syndrome. In those years I received the usual Employee of the Month awards as well as the being the first non-nurse to receive the prized yearly award for Employee Excellence at my particular location. I worked my full figure out in a gym, took almost daily walks lasting well over an hour each and ate a healthy diet. Then one day...I passed the 40 year mark.

I use to believe it was just women that ticked off the calendar of years their lives traversed, but have become aware it is a cross gender reality. Birds at a distance in the sky looked like two artists where one was actually soaring. I had to ask occasionally for people to repeat what they were saying. Little things at home slipped my mind. But...I'm only 40. 41,...42... and people praised me for looking as good as I did for 'my age'. 43...44... and at 45 I went into a birthday panic keeping up with those 10 to 15 years my junior at a nightclub celebration. We can lie to ourselves all we want, but the body won't buy it.

The dentist shook his head and rescheduled return appointments to 'fix' more things as I brushed and flossed in an OCD manner with no results. Hindsight tells me the baking soda and or hydrogen peroxide added their tally to the mark while fattening the dental hygenist's pocket.

The physical now demanded by my job/health provider had surprising results in the blood work. One pill... two pills...another one and more? 10 years later I take over 10 prescriptions each day. That's one for each year!

One thing lead to another and here I sit. There's much more to the story of course, but one has to bring the reader up rather than destroy the point.

I find myself making friends while keeping in touch with a couple from my work days. At first I thought that it would be a nightmare moving back home with my parents. For myself and them. Instead we have all preserveered and mended many a broken fence. They do not take care of me entirely nor I them all of the time. My mother and I share the cooking, making meals more enjoyable for all. With part of my SSI I have provided dish-TV for my parents which has been a God-send for my father. His health plummeted just before I returned home. I searched online with each complaint he has had and purchased those things that have helped him.

We live in a rural area where cattle and farm mix with suburbia. Our postal box is about a block or more from the home along with the news box. I try to fetch it for them in the wee hours of the morning and put the coffee on. If the house gets cold in the night I bump up the heat. (It is not on in my room. I am quite the adaptable person.)

This Thanksgiving (we are not traditional, but we are family*)... I am preparing the dinner for all 4 families which make up our 1 with the help of the family children. Friends have also been invited. I found a Butterball turkey that weighed in over 20lbs, a spiral cut honey baked ham and loads of other things for the meal. It is a special one as the patriarch (my father) is continually getting more feeble. We don't know how long he will be with us. My daughter is pregnant with the 1st great-grandson, her second child. The 1st grandson goes to Iraq in January (son of my oldest brother- who is also moving away.) AND the second grand-daughter is moving away with her military husband...newly married, no children as of yet.

It will be a busy time with all of the changes. Then the world will seem to stop for a breather. After which we will have spring and I will have a new grandson to care for along with my sweet 7 year old grand-daughter.

Do I like being alone with the computer?

You bet!